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Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny

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an entry as Dominic [Jun. 6th, 2007|01:55 pm]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny

[mood |sadsad]

How much longer am I have to do such things? I am unsure.. but I must do what I can. Gwyn is happy with Jakub, but I am watching the boy like a hawk.. just to make sure that he won't hurt her anymore than he has. I am doing my best to try and forget about Gwyn.. forget about loving her by drowning myself in Surreal. I hate using someone, but I am sure she is using me just as much. The sex is good, the moments melt away when I am within her and in her arms, I don't worry about anything, I don't think about anything. She is the only one who has been able to do that besides Gwyn.  Gwyn can tell something is going on.. maybe I just need to throw it in her face.. push her away from me.

I don't know.. I just don't know. I haven't told anyone about my feelings.. are they visible? Am in showing the world that I am in love with my little sister? It is a sin. a taboo, something that shouldn't bein the world of the Black jewel's. WHY? Why am I cursed with this? Can Surreal make me forget? Can she make me want to only be with her? I doubt it.. but I have to try.. 

Besides, she has a feel similar to the darkness that resides inside of Lorelai to me.. if I can deal with Surreal easy enough, I should be able to face Lorelai at Gwyn's side as a member of her court with strength, class and confidence. But from here on out.. things have to change.. thigns have to.. I don't know if I can be normal around her. It is time I become a member of her courth.. her brother second.. then maybe.. maybe I wll forget.. maybe I will forget...

But before you just turn into a memory Gwyn.. I want to be by your side as much as I can.. protect you as much as I have been doing, to not hide in the shadows.. before you just turn into a memory..
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Camael [May. 23rd, 2007|01:09 pm]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny

[mood |creative]

The wind whisteled through the dark clouds at the top of the mountain, in a long forgotten land. A tall figure shrouded in a cloak stood at it's peak, skin seemingly ignoring the harsh chill of the blasting wind and sleet. Eyes red as blood shone in the dimness, long brown hair shiny like water flowed loose and free, trying to fight it's way out of the confines of a ponytail.

"Godless...Godless creatures...they have become Godless being once more..." Camael hated being awoken from his slumbers, for in his dreams he saw paradise, here was a living hell..all his attuned senses blinded his mind. Voices cried out in his mind's eye, and he shuddered at their utterings. He had only been awoken once before, to bring the flood upon mankind via Leviathan...and even then..God had let Lucifer and Gabriel think and feel that it had all been their own doings.

He stretched his toned arms above his head, his lightly tanned skin smooth as alabastor. The cloak shrugged off his shoulders, revealing black wings dripping in blood. "An evil omen.." he whispered, stretching his wings and shaking them harshly, causing the dripping wings to fall off and shed, revealing pristine snow white feathers beneath.

He began to fly, trembling at first from misuse of his wings, but soon he pumped them powerfully, his long body a mere flash against the dark clouds hovering abbout him. The moment he entered heaven, all traffic between the gates ceased, Gatekeepers lost their books of names and any Angel outside of heaven would immediately be called back to it, no matter what they had been doing before. He immediately appeared beofre God, dropping to one knee. "You have sent for me, my Lord?" He asked humbly, bowing his head.

God looked up almost in shock upon hearing his voice. "Camael? You have awakened?" The angel nodded and rose, blood red eyes gleaming as he awaited further commands.
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An entry as Jakub [Apr. 14th, 2007|07:43 pm]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny


I am shaking.. I am crying.. I am losing my mind. It's as if my body is on fire. I can't even believe what I have become. I used to say: I will never be like my father.. I will never become what he is. But, in secret I have been seeing more and more of Lucien.. he is becoming a pet to me, a secret fix that I have to have. I hurt him, hear his screams and his cries.. I almost slept with him I was so turned on. It hurt me to say these things.. to admit it.

I feel like I have a drug problem.. but it is so much more than that. I can't explain it to her.. to Gwyn. it would feel like I was betraying her if she knew. I can see the look in her eyes now. So I don’t tell her. I can never tell her. I want it so bad.. the pain, the blood, just enough control to give me the fix.. that high I crave.

It has been happening more and more as of late. I see her tears and relish them.. waiting to see them again. I hurt her intentionally by fraternizing with Lorelai. I thought it was just a minor issue, but it is blown out of proportion. I want it.

Because I want it, I have to leave her side. I don’t want to hurt her. I know the story of my mother.. Lucien shared it with me in a blood exchange.. I saw, felt everything as if I were her. I don’t know how she never lost her mind. Ever since then I haven’t been able to look her in the eye, my dear mother. She must be worried.. but there is nothing I can do but seek the only man who knows about these urges. My father.

I am riding the edge of a sharp blade. He may help me or he may make it worse. He loves me, but somewhere in his perverse mind he will feel the desire to twist everything, just like I do. I understand it better though, his needs.. what drives him. I understand my father a lot more than I used to. I want him to love me, I want him to help me, I want my life back.

I am so unsettled I can hardly believe it. I never lot it like this.. but after the fight with Dominic, everything came into sharp focus. I truly did hurt Gwyn, and not only her. I have hurt my mother, my family, my friends by secluding myself away and giving into my desires. There has to be a balance.. and until I find it and become the man who deserves Gwyn's love, I wont go near her.. I won’t hurt her...
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Gwynn's Diary [Apr. 13th, 2007|05:00 pm]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny

[Current Location |Gwynn and Jakob's room]
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |silence]

When he walked into the room I could smell Lorelia on him. He-He acted so casual about having gone to see her. Like it didn't matter that he'd promised not to see her. I ignored it the first time he did it but I couldn't ignore it again. He didn't even have a reason! It broke my heart.

Why was it so hard for him to tell me?

When I left Dominic came to sit with me. He always knows when I'm upset. Hes so good to me, he can just sit and be there with me as I cry. He let me stay with him, tucked me into his bed like he used to do when I was little.

I woke up the next morning to find out that Jakob and Dominic had gotten into a fight. Dominic had bruises all over and when I asked him if it was about last night he said only some of it was. I wish that the two of them could get along... Jakob had a broken arm, sprained ankle and bruises too. I went to help him and he moved away. He told me that he deserved his injuries and then he said that he was going to go home for a while. Hearing him say that hurt, it- I felt the pain in my heart. He told me he'd visit and that he'd some back. I hugged him close to me, tried to memorize as much of him that I could. Then he shuddered and jerked away and just disappeared. Having him actaully leave broke my heart.

It just threw me into despair. Eventually Kat came to talk with me. When she came in Dominic tensed up so tight, I didn't tel him but I have bruises on my arms now. It gave me a little jolt back to the present. Enough of one that I could calm him down and talk with Kat. She helped answer some of my questions about Jakob, and Stephan for that matter.

Jakob needs me to be strong. He needs me to be able to hold myself up and support him. I won't let his heritage hurt him anymore. We will compromise and I will find a way to help him deal with this. I will be strong until he comes back to me, keeping my despair locked away. I will be the queen that he needs!

...and Lorelia would do best if she stayed out of the way.
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status report [Apr. 13th, 2007|04:56 pm]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny

Jakob lied to Gwynn and went home to try and deal with his bloodline.
gwynn and jakob fought about him seeing lorelia
Lucien and Dorian get along well; do more with them
Dominic and Jakob fought
Gwynn talked with Kat
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whats happened and whats upcoming [Mar. 27th, 2007|12:12 pm]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny

ok so Jakob broke promise to not see Loralia(can't spell).
Dorian not trapped in room
Ceriden being recruited for court
Need to work with Suri and dante; Sylar needs to be born
Also need to work on Meilin and Syn
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Side story [Mar. 8th, 2007|09:47 am]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny

[Current Location |Italy]
[mood |determined]

He had been waiting for an hour already, and was very far from pleased. Running his hands through his deep brown locks, he sighed, pulling out a cigarette. He normally refrained from smoking, but he had a feeling that something was looming on the horizon in the near future that wouldn’t suit him well, hell not like it would ever kill him. As he took a slow, deliberate drag on his cigarette, Lucian materialized out of the shadows.

"You bitch," He spat, "You're late. How many times do I have to remind you that these weekly meetings are mandatory on your end?" Lucien merely smiled and walked around him in a slow seductive circle. "Oh.. don't be mad at me.. I don’t like it when you get mad.. you can be worse than him" Ignoring the obvious flirtation in the air, Jakub blew smoke in Lucien’s face, pressing the cigarette into his upper arm. Lucian shivered in pain and pleasure and sank to the ground, coming to rest at Jakub's feet.

"You wish." Jakub said with a steel edge to his voice. "Listen, I need you to do something for me." Lucien looked up and cocked his head to the side. "What ever is this favor you wish of me?" He asked slyly, emphasizing the word favor. Jakub knelt beside him and ran a hand Lucien’s his hair. I need you to get your hands on some blood.. I need to find some things out.. and only you can do that incredible thing you do.. reading blood like a novel."

Lucien giggled and wrapped his arms around Jakub's neck. “Does this mean I get to kiss you again?" He asked with wide eyes. Jakub shook his head in disgust. 'I will actually kiss you, not let you kiss me.. and I will kiss you on your lips once. That’s it." Lucien nodded vigorously and stood up, stretching his arms above his lean frame. "It won’t be hard for me to get it.. I will get everything that you need."

Jakub smiled widely and patted the top of his head. “You are really a good pet aren't you?" He inquired, gazing at Lucian. "That I am.. how do you think I have been around Stefan for so long? He loves me more than anything.. and I listen to whatever he says.. most of the time." He added as an afterthought, beginning to walk towards a street corner.

Jakub began to walk the other direction and turned once before disappearing. “Good boy, Lucien.” He whispered, vanishing back to where he had come from.
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Daemon [Mar. 7th, 2007|06:11 pm]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny

[Current Location |His Study]
[mood |coldcold]

It’s been awhile since I've gone that cold, gone that deep into beast inside of me. Dominic came to me, stinking of sex, Lorelei and Dorothea. I... that scent on him made me still. I felt the sadist surge out of me. I made him tell me the story. By the end I felt a deceptive calm come over me. Jaenelle tried to dissuade me from going, but Dorothea has been a part of my life for a long time.

Returning to the twisted kingdom caused a surge of emotion within me. I remembered my last visit here, the pain, desperation and fear. It was so different this time. Everything was clear and the clarity I possessed cut through the haze that normally assaulted people. Though the twisted kingdom is had to navigate in, it was easy to follow the trail left by my son.

Dorothea. She made me hate, made me into what I am. I thin it’s only suitable that the weapon she designed has turned on her in such a torturing fashion. She told me about helping Dominic find Lorelei, and then she told me...

Even thinking about it I still feel the cold rage sweep through me. She told me that all those years ago that Dominic hadn't gotten lost or left behind, he was led away. The bitch touched my son! She led Dominic away in the mist, she could have had him all to herself. I-I would have never known, never searched for him and he would have been tortured like I was. Thank god he got away, thank the darkness that he was spared that. I don't know why Dorothea told me, but it was a mistake. She started taunting me that she couldn't die and that she would forever be a part of my life. And if that’s the case it was time she learned her place in it.

I ripped the bitches tongue out and I can't begin to express the satisfaction I felt from it. She screamed of course, not that I cared. I ripped her out of the twisted kingdom with me, the sudden pressure ripping at her mind. Then I left her in hell, in a little box that nothing can get through.

The rage still coursed through me, Jaenelle tried to approach but I told her to stay away. I went looking for Dominic. The second I showed up Lucivar tensed, he at least recognized my mood. 'Go', I told him and he left in an instance. Dominic looked frozen, uncertain what to do or how to act having never seen me cold before. When I told him to come to me he didn't move, his instincts demanding he hold still. Stalking over to him I forced him to look at me. 'What happened in the twisted kingdom wasn't your fault. You didn’t' wonder off... Dorothea led you away.' Dominic looked shocked. 'The bitch tried to steal you away' I said in a low hiss. 'I took something from her though..' reaching into my pocket I pulled out her tongue. 'She won't bother you again.' Pulling Dominic close I felt most of the rage seep out of me. He was here, returned to me and safe. It may have been a close call but I will not allow either of my children to follow the path I was forced to take.

And I felt more than thought my love for him, and knew I should express it, but settled for holding my son close, a hand nestled in his hair.
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Side event [Mar. 4th, 2007|12:18 am]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny

[Current Location |manor]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

He waited until it was quiet, when all the residents of the house slept and delved into their dreams. He couldn’t sleep, hadn’t been able to sleep. There was no way he would be able to do it tonight. “Shit...” He muttered, stumbling out of bed and running his hands though his unruly hair. He rested his elbows on his knees as he remained silent in thought. He past few days had been hard on him.. and yet he didn’t feel victimized like he usually did.

A slow smile crept to his lips as he remembered talking to his father. He had almost felt the sick satisfaction of ripping that woman’s tongue out just by seeing it in his father’s hands. His life had been taken by her, his father’s life had been taken by her, he wasn’t going to let her take Gwyn’s life. If anyone should be spared it was her. “..Gwyn..” he whispered recalling the events of the day. She had been so worried; he hated doing it to her. But better him than Jakub in Lorelai’s arms.

He rose slowly stretching his arms above his head as he walked out of his room. The cool air ticked his exposed skin, but he ad no desire to put a shirt on. He was still tired, weary from the past events. As he staggered through the hall, a scent touched him, and he smiled. Lucivar. He had been talking to him recently, and found the guy to be interesting and very easy to tease. “Lucivar?” He inquired mentally, approaching a band of light seeping under a door. “Dominic? Hey what are you doing up?” Came the deep rely.

Dominic opened the door and entered the plush room, the carpet massaged his feet and he felt immediately at ease. Lucivar turned, his wings outstretched, almost making him too imposing for a moment. “ I felt you were up.. can’t-“
“Sleep?” Lucivar interrupted. “ I hear you, but us men.. we stay up more than our women think we do. They worry us sick.” He said jokingly, with a grin almost devilish in nature. Dominic laughed and plopped down in a velvet chair. “ man.. dad REALLY goes for the velvet doesn’t he?” He interjected, glancing at the what he supposed was another one of dads offices.

“He does like velvet,” Lucivar began, closing his wings into himself as he materialized a glass of blood wyne. “But that is just who he is.. he Cant not like velvet. He has a reputation to keep up.” Dominic nodded and looked pointedly at his uncle. “ When.. when Dad was angry today.. he-he smelt different. He was.. almost like a stranger to me…” Dominic trailed off, looking down, wondering if he should have just kept it to himself. Lucivar, instead of shaking his head at him looked truly thoughtful, running a finger over the edge of his wine glass.

“Your father.. he was made into what he is in a lot of ways by Dorothea. Like me.. they caged me, treated me like a monster.. and I became one. I murdered Queens, women, men alike. Daemon.. but Daemon.. he was crueler than I was. I made it quick he made their pain last forever.” Dominic listened intently, glancing at his uncle who seemed to be lost in thought. “I didn’t mean to pry I just.. it was weird.. like I felt closer to him than ever after he got angry..”

Lucivar looked surprised and set down his wine glass before continuing. “well.. Dominic, you may not think it but you are very much like your father. He had no interesting women what so ever, just one. He was the brooding type, didn’t say what he felt, found out he had a long lost sibling.. me, and was dark. You fit a lot of those categories.” Dominic tried to interrupt but Lucivar shot his hand up, shaking his head. “Just hear me out here, Dominic. You aren’t your father but.. I think you and him could benefit a lot from opening up to one another. Daemon needs it I am sure.” He rose then, grabbing his wine glass as he walked to the door. “ But you need sleep first before your try worrying over your dad and your sister.” He gave him a knowing smile and sighed. “Jaenelle was the same way.” He said, rolling his eyes as he left the room, waving briefly before whispering a good night.

Dominic remained in the room, sitting on the plush velvet cushions so reminiscent of his father. Tears sprung to his eyes as he took one into his arms, hugging it close to him. He was so alone, had been alone.. and now he didn’t have to be. It was a scary prospect.. and he didn’t know what to do, how to go about living his new life. Everything was still too confusing, but he knew.. that maybe, just maybe he and his father could finally become the father and son he had always wanted them to be.
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An entry as Dominic [Feb. 27th, 2007|07:46 pm]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny

[Current Location |Davar's]
[mood |sadsad]

She still hasn't been her normal self lately.. I worry about her. I think my disappointment really hit her hard. I didn't mean for my words to be so cutting, so sharp.. I guess I don't know how truly hurtful I can be towards her.

I just. I have had a lot of time to think about my past. I remember a lot more than I tell my mother.. I remember her face, I remember wandering in the twisted kingdom along side of her, there was mist everywhere.. up was down.. right was wrong.. but it was my life. All of a sudden.. I lost her in the mist.. and woke up one morning on the streets on a colony. I was in the orphanage until I left a few years ago.. I was only sixteen at the time.. and now I am nineteen.. time has flown by so much. I went from the lost, lonely little boy to one with a family.

Gwyn, my only sister. I still don't think I will ever truly understand everything she feels.. but.. I think out of everyone she knows I can at least by an ally to her. Why? Why does everything I say and do have to affect her so much? Why is it?

I am living my life.. a black jeweled warlord prince alone, without the love of a man or a woman. I am more driven and possesive then I let on.. I just.. I just wish I didn't have so much brewing inside of me that happened to come out in a lashign way at my sister. Now she and I cant talk normally.. I wish we could.. I miss it. I miss it so much..
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