|An entry as Jakub
||[Feb. 19th, 2008|01:15 am]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny
Something happened today. It was.. almost a freeing feeling of sorts. I have never felt this way before.. even when all the jealous rage inside me has been to its breaking point. It was another normal day.. if any day in my life could be called normal. I suppose the past few days have added some strain to my psyche.. but in general nothing out of the ordinary occured. I just.. finally told her. I told Gwyn how I truly felt.
I believe Dominic to be quite selfish.. he is always prattling on about how he feels for Gwyn, that he loves her, that he will give everything up for her. He forgets that I am here.. and that I will do all those things and more for her.. that his unwanted feelings are only hurting her and any chance she has at real happiness. She cannot be responsible for him and his childish feelings forever.. this whole situation with the two of them has just finally hit the point of no return.
I snapped.. and I do not regret it. It felt so.. envigoating. I could feel my blood singing, it was calling out to me. I could feel untapped powers whispering in my ears to let it out.. to let it fulfil my desires. I could taste every ounce of emotion around me.. it was intoxicating.. almost sexual.
I know my powers stem from two powerful people. I am the child of a King and a Queen. i am the son of a God, I am the son of a woman with power over the spirit and heart.. I am a child of healing and poison earth.. no one, not even I know my full and true potential. But.. I do know that I am about to find it. Dominic.. the ass that he is has truly done one thing for me for which I am grateful.. he has helped me understand that I have power and that my love for Gwyn is unmoving and unchanging.
My God.. I want to feel it again.. the rush.. the desire to kill with no remorse. It should have frightened me.. but I am far from being the good boy and the gentlemen that everyone wants me to be. I hold so much within myself.. But it is all for her.. my love.. my life.. my world.
My father asked me about a family.. starting one with her. I do want to have children.. but I am selfish..so selfish. I want her all to myself, I want us to live our lives in each others arms. I want no one to have her.. that is why today..is a good day. I feel free, powerful and I sense the love she has for me. Dominic is out of the picture for now.. the necklace is no burden any longer.
So much I wish to do.. and so.. intent still. I know now that if I had the moment.. I could easily kill Dominic. I know.. I know...