|an entry as Lily
||[Aug. 20th, 2007|10:39 pm]
Secret Desires, Foreshadowed Destiny
Something is... has.. happened to me. I don't really know how to explain it. But.. Chris and I get together.. really get together and we are both so miserable. How can I love someone so much but can't be with them? Am I doomed to be alone? I don't see it as fair that he bonded to me as a child, and then now as an adult this link of ours gets tossed aside for Wufei. I.. I am not really mad per say but, we have a son. And.. I am still alone after all is said and done.
Maybe it is better for me in the long run I suppose. I have work, Sylar is still my child even under all the rebellion.. he so inherited that from me. :)
I just.. It seems wrong somehow. I feel like I am in a dream world, where things are all happening around me and nothing i sin my control anymore. I am walking the steps, talking the talk and doing everything that needs to get done without truly living it myself. And.. DC... something seems off with him too. We are talking more than we ever have.. why is it that the man I love pulls away form me and the man I had come to hate comes closer? Nothing is really making sense in my life.. maybe I just need more friends so I don't think about this type of thing.
I do wish Chris well.. I just wish things were making more sense in my own life.. then I could be at ease instead of feelign like I am always on the brink of something.. good or bad I don't know but... I suppose I will find out soon enough.